I’ve been sick. My will to push ahead is practically nonexistent.
There’s a lot to do at work, and I have no help for a job that at minimum needs three associates.
The last couple of days, I’ve even considered calling it quits and not going back.
But that’s never really been my style.
I don’t stop. I don’t quit. I don’t walk away from an obligation. I rarely leave anything on the table workwise.
This week I’m going to have to bite the bullet and leave some jobs undone.
I can’t do it all.
I hit metaphorical bumps in the road all the time. Usually, I speed right over them. I rarely meet a challenge that I can’t beat.
And this makes me realize how sick I was this weekend and the beginning of this week. I was sick enough to get scared. I did not know what was wrong with me, I ended up in the ER, and I was terrified. And I have to admit that to myself. I was scared.
I don’t like being scared.
I saw this earlier on Instagram. It kind of spoke to me. Maybe it’s not just a physical wall I’m hitting. Perhaps it’s emotional, losing my partner.
Now I didn’t lose her to death or anything; she moved on to another job. Something that’s going to not only pay her better but is a better fit for her little family. I couldn’t be happier for her; I talked to her last night. She sounds really happy. Makes my heart glad.
If she were still here I would’ve shown up feeling as bad as I did every day this week. But I think not having her on the team anymore really took the wind out of my sails.
We pushed each other to do the job right. We were a good team. We were them. When other sections used to need our help, they would ask our old district manager to send them. And that was me and my partner.
It’s nice to have someone with you so long that you think something and they’re already doing it.
I guess I just miss her.
So I’m going to go in tomorrow. I’m going to do the job and I’m going to wait on the next associate to show up. And we will see what they are like. I’m going to have to not judge their performance by hers. That would not be fair.
The pickings are so slim right now for quality help. A lot of people are looking for jobs but I’m not seeing a lot of people wanting to do the job.
I spent the day in an ER. After everything that happened this weekend, I started feeling some pains at work this morning that weren’t right, so I went to urgent care. They sent me to the ER to get an EKG and blood work done.
I’ll be the last to admit it, but I’m getting older, best to play it safe.
It turns out that my heart is fine, my lungs are fine, my bloodwork showed nothing abnormal.
I’m not immortal, but sometimes I feel like it. And that feeling will get me killed one day. So I’m going to start making some lifestyle and diet changes.
Because that’s part of being a good dad and a good husband, sticking around.
I had another leak on Bruce. Same spot where we replaced the radiator hose.
Come to find out that the part the hose attaches to was the problem.
It was a tough part to remove and replace. We, me and Pop, spent the better part of the morning getting it out and back in. But it’s fixed.
During all this we had to remove a spindle that involves the serpentine belt so that we could actually reach the part. When we cranked it back up there was a horrible screech. Like banshees in a bag on fire beating a group of cats.
The truck still runs. It’s drivable. But they will hear you coming from miles away.
Still, no good for me.
I went on from working on the truck to going to the band competition and helping there, loading and unloading, etc.
84° in October in South Carolina may as well be 100°. Long story short, I was already worn out. I hadn’t eaten we’ll yesterday and I got a bit dehydrated fairly quickly. I have some minor problems with a recurring Hiatal hernia problem and I aggravated that.
Also, I try to film for the band and sat in the top of the bleachers in the sun which exacerbated the problem. That’s when Pop came over to check on me.
Good grandparents don’t miss grandkid stuff and they were there watching. Apparently while I was looking for them in the stands, I walked right passed them. I saw them but didn’t see them. Which cued mom to have dad come check on me.
The result was near heat exhaustion, and hernia problems knocked me down last night and today. I’ve been in and out of it on the couch. I feel 100% better than at 3 AM this morning.
Just to back track a bit, the wife received her second vaccine shot Friday. We ended up in the ER yesterday at 4 AM. She’s okay. Working through it. In my opinion our earlier fears are justified. She shouldn’t have been required to take the shot with her medical history. But this isn’t a medical or political page.
Sleep deprivation will throw you for a loop as well.
Today while I was somewhere in the void, Pop came and got the truck and replaced that part causing the noise. He wasn’t asked to. Didn’t have to.
He won’t even let me pay him.
And he told me, “I see what you do for your family and how hard you push. I don’t realize what you do sometimes.”
And I said thank you and he went back home.
And I stood in the garage and broke down. Because after all these years, he realizes, and that affects me in a healing sort of way.
And he knows, too.
What I do for my family I do out of love for my family. A lot of the time I do not matter. As long as they are safe and happy and healthy, I’m good.
It’s a joke from the old tv commercial. People make memes about it all the time.
What my dad knows is that I learned it from watching him. I’m a product of the way he raised me.