Heartbroken

I want you to think back to when your firstborn child came into the world, if you’re a parent.

Think about holding that tiny baby and how you would do anything in the world for that child. You would kill or die for that kid.

Well, unless you’re the worst parent in the world, you still feel that way.

I’m writing this from the bottom. I’ve been here before. I always claw my way back up to the top, faith renewed and waiting for the next hit. I always get back up.

My daughter tore my heart out last night. She has lied, she has done things that I never thought she would be capable of. She has tested my faith in the fact that she actually cares if I’m a part of her life or if I’m alive and breathing.

I am in a word, heartbroken.

And I would still kill or die for this kid. That doesn’t change.

My wife and I have a solid marriage. I’m not saying we never fight or that everything is perfect, anyone who says that is lying. That’s part of being a couple. We work our hardest and do our best to give both of our children a great life. They want for nothing. I think we’ve given them more than they need though, and that’s going to stop.

Social media can be a great thing. You can communicate, connect, and learn new things. You can expand your mind and knowledge on a wide variety of subjects. Anything under the sun.

That’s you, most likely reading this as an adult. You have wisdom and experience to rationalize what you read and make an informed decision about most anything.

Social media can poison the mind of a child. A child’s friends will poison their mind as well. They don’t have the tools needed to handle and filter what is put before them.

So I’m trying to figure out what to do. I have taken my child’s electronics. Phone, laptop, iPad. Gone.

She doesn’t have an online presence at the moment. She may not get it back. If she’s not at school she’s with me and the wife, or my parents. There’s nowhere she isn’t watched by someone who is trusted with her safety both physically and mentally.

I just needed to write this down. I was in tears this morning on the way to work. I didn’t break down last night in front of her. I won’t. But this morning in the car all alone it hit me hard.

One day I won’t be there to guide her and that scares me.

Time to grow up. Now.

SISC

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